Isa's Eulogy - One Final Thought
Tomorrow it will be three weeks that my mother-in-law passed away after a brief battle with lymphoma. I had the high honor of speaking at her memorial service because her beloved sons and husband simply could not. So as I thought about what possible words I could use to express the deep love and respect we had for her and that she had for us I said...
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"The greatest testament of our love is our unity as a family, while we enjoyed her on this earth and as she departed."
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I am proud of the FACT that we, initially Isa, her husband, her son, Alex, her son, Jorge, who is my husband, and me, when I joined this beautiful family in 1986, all got along! And not in some sort of I-will-tolerate-you-because-you are my-family-through-marriage forced way, but in a WOW! This-is-a-great-family-to be-a-part-of! Let's enjoy ourselves!
And then as our clan expanded to eventually include another daughter-in-law, six grandchildren, and two grandchildren-in-law, each was welcomed like the gift from God they are, and our parties got bigger and better. Our dinners got louder and more informal, and I repeat, not once in 30 years was there ever a rift or even a slight commotion.
Even the church Pastor who also spoke at the Memorial Service said, "Every time my wife and I would leave this house we prayed that God would give our kids a desire to stick close by and come back and hang out with us often. We felt as though sharing with the Fernandez Family was a brief glimpse into what heaven might look like. United families having fun and fellowshipping..."
Now, I realize that not all families are sunshine and roses. In my own family, my father left my dear mother and fractured my four siblings and me sending us into a tailspin of despair and dysfunction. It was such a mess and disappointing heartbreak that I craved the normalcy and lighthearted approach to life that my in-laws offered me. My mother-in-law, especially, the quintessential heart of the family, worked hard to keep us all huddled close. She orchestrated yearly trips to the beach in the summer and the mountains in the winter. Everyone was always welcomed with open arms, and it was impossible to ever leave her house hungry. If any of us had a need, my in-laws were there to help. They ran to us with open arms and open wallets and a willingness to get out of bed in the middle of the night if there was an emergency. I was so profoundly blessed to see that this is how a family should be and could be because, sadly, unfortunately, my family was not like this at all - not even a little bit.
Some of you might identify more closely with my experience then with the way things were and will continue to be with my husband's family. Maybe there are disagreements or disappointments or unfair behavior that is threatening to pull your family apart. What is the solution?
1 Peter 3:9 "Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing [pray for one another's well-being, contentment, and protection]. That is what God has called you to do, and He will bless you for it."
In other words, don't take the bait. Don't stoop to bad reactions and bad behavior when confronted with ugliness. Don't heap abuse on top of abuse. God says it's possible to bless instead; this is His perfect advice. God brings you well-being and happiness when you do!
PRAYER: Dear Lord, Thank You for families. As imperfect as they can sometimes be, we are also grateful for the love and comfort they provide. We each have a personal responsibility to do our part and keep our cool no matter what so that our families stay united. We are called to pray even for those who offend us the most. Help us, Lord, because when we do things Your way, WE WILL BE HAPPY! In Jesus' name, AMEN.
