Self-Control~

Salutations~

 

 

Galatians 5:22-23 (The Message version)

 

“But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.”

 

 

Based on the verse above here's a neat and concise list of the gifts God gives when we live His way: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control.

 

 

All these are the fruits that will grow and thrive in our orchards.  And all these are necessary for enjoying life.  We should also be asking God regularly to help us and our children produce these fruits.  But today I want to hone in one particular fruit that seems to often elude us and whose lack of in our life produces misery.  I am talking, of course, about self-control.

 

 

What happens when you try to control your spouse? Your kids? The weather? Someone else's reaction? God?

 

 

Simply stated--You can't!

 

 

And when we can not control something we feel helpless and afraid.

 

 

If only we could choose for our spouse when they fall into temptation.  If only we could say "no to drugs" on behalf of little Johnny.  If only we could make sure everyone driving around on the friendly streets of Miami were properly licensed and insured.  If only we could make sure that everyone else around us is always nice, always loving, always kind...In short, always producing fragrant fruit in a fertile orchard.  

 

 

All of us with half a brain know that this is not the way life works.  We really have very little control over anything much less anyone--except ourselves.

 

 

It's called self-control for a reason, and that is because you are really the only one you can control.

 

 

This does not mean we don't try in vain to control situations or other people, but more often than not, when we assume this huge impossibility and fail, we feel like failures and this leads to unhappiness.

 

 

Ask yourself what you have been really down about lately or just in general, and more than likely it will have to do with a situation beyond your control.  

 

 

For example: (all the names of my brave friends have been changed to protect their innocence.)

 

 

Pierre la Franc has been really low lately--precisely since 2007.  This is when the economy started tanking, and he took a huge personal hit.  He blamed everyone and everything and felt his happy light slowly starting to fade.  The power of positive thinking was not powerful enough, and no matter how hard he ordered his personal finances to turn around, they would not budge.  It was out of his control.  

 

 

Sally G. Away invested a lot of time and a lot of effort in raising her two little girls.  One of whom chose the straight and narrow and one of whom did not.  The one who did not went down a path of self-destruction that destroyed Sally as well.  Over and over and over again she blamed herself for her daughter's choices, and in the process fell into a severe depression.

 

 

At the root of the problem was that both these fine folks were trying to control something beyond their ability.  Add to that a heaping helping of self-condemnation and it's easy to see how these life-scenarios led to such unhappiness.        

 

 

And then there's my buddy Lois who was so convinced that her daughter deserved a certain role at school that she expended a lot of time and energy rallying the higher-ups to choose her child and was highly insulted when it did not work out.  She almost withdrew her child's enrollment because of it and would have forfeited many years of fun and friendships.  We laugh about it now, but back then it was a perfect example of "forcing one's way in life," and "not channeling one's energies wisely."

 

 

I think we can all relate.  Let us focus on the one thing we can control and trust God with the rest.

 

 

PRAYER: Dear Lord, You are right.  Self-control is the only control we have.  Thank You that You have the rest under Your watchful eye.  In Jesus' name, AMEN

The Domino Effect~

TGIF Blessings:)

 

Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare."

 

I want you all to know that I have thought about that poor dentist (see yesterday's DEVO) over the years--13 years to be exact. Sometimes I wonder how everything would have turned out if I would have acted like a civilised human being. Worse, I sometimes think about the domino effect.

 

There's a commercial I really like because it has a gentleman opening a door for someone who had just helped someone cross the street, who had himself just allowed someone to cut in line at the market etc...And the message is that because someone did something nice for us, we turn around and do the same. It's a great message, but I wonder if the opposite is true.

 

What if I ruined the dentist's day and then he was grumpy the rest of the afternoon and was less than kind himself to a patient who then goes home with a sore mouth and a foul mood and snaps back at their spouse who turns around and puts the dog out and the dog, feeling vulnerable and rejected, bites a neighbor?

 

However, I can also testify that when we stop the rudeness dead in its tracks--when we practice self-control--we can change the course of the domino effect.

 

One day I went to pick up Rachel at school. In the immediate moments after the bell rang, a few of the moms and I were talking in the classroom while she and her buddies were playing. Back then guitar string bracelets were all the rage, and it was common to see all the little girls wearing as many as 20 at a time. Rachel's little friend gave her one, and thinking it was elastic, Rayray pulled it and of course, it was stretched beyond repair. The mother of the little girl went ballistic.

 

She went right up to Rayray, pointed a finger in her precious shocked face, and yelled ATROCITIES at her. "Look what you did!" "You should be ashamed!" "You are a vandal!" "You did it on purpose because you are jealous!" "You are the worst friend ever!"

 

I was literally one foot away, and for one brief moment, as I felt the heat rising on the back of my neck, time stood still and three things crossed my mind. (1) I am going to jail for murder, (2) I am going to wind up my arm and unleash a right hook and bust the teeth out of her mouth. ( I know a great dentist.), and (3) This is all going to go down in front of a bunch of witnesses, including my son who had by then come into the room.

 

And then I heard a whisper. God Himself bent over and gently said to my soul that my reaction would have consequences--good or bad. A question came to me: "Do you have room in your heart for forgiveness?"

 

Well, dang! Clearly God was watching me, and I never want to let Him down. So I stepped in between that mother and Rayray, and with the kindness that only Jesus can give when we purpose to do the right thing, I very quietly apologized for the incident. I assured her that Rachel hadn't meant to do it. I pulled out my wallet and offered to pay her one full American dollar bill plus tax for the one that was damaged because that was the cost plus $20 more for good measure. I encouraged Rayray to say she was sorry. I gathered my kids, went to the car, and sat there in stunned silence.

 

I finally drove home. My hands were shaking the whole time, and I was kind of sick to my stomach the rest of the afternoon. But that night I received a phone call from that mom. She was weeping and apologizing profusely. She explained that she had had a terrible day (she is an oncology nurse); she never meant to take it out on a small innocent child, much less in such a public way in front every one including her own kids. Would I ever forgive her? Would Rachel? We made our peace and were really good friends after that. Even traveled together a few times.

 

And from that moment until now I try to think of how we can all change the course of the domino effect.

 

PRAYER:

Dear Lord,

Sometimes we forfeit blessings because we choose to let our anger--no matter how justified--to take over. May we all always hear Your voice, which is forever encouraging us to do the right thing with Jesus' help. AMEN~